Isn’t it just crazy how life can turn colder than the flip side of a pillow in like….3…2…1…. That happened last week when I made an emergency trip to Florida to check on my Daddy and then before I knew it, I was surrounded by Paramedics and sirens and flashing lights and following behind the back door of the ambulance watching my Daddy’s health bounce from bad to worse. Once arriving to the hospital, time seemed to stand still and I felt like I was in the middle of apparent deleted scenes of Grey’s Anatomy. My Daddy crashed in the ambulance while in route to the hospital and medical staff was waiting outside of the emergency bay upon arrival. Being a nurse, I knew something was terribly wrong when my eyes beheld this organized chaos. I went inside the ED and I obviously looked disengaged from reality because the desk attendant immediately led me to a chair and somehow knew I was with the man in the ambulance. I explained that this was my Daddy and begged to please let me back there to see him. I was told No and to just try and remain calm and they would get me when the time was right. Well, three long hours crept by before the doctor came out to tell me that Daddy was finally stable enough for me to go back and he then prepared me for what I was going to see and the severe condition my Daddy was in. I was prepared but I wasn’t, if you know what I mean. Daddy was on the ventilator and he was struggling, bottom line! Later in the evening, he was transferred to the ICU and fast forward nine days and here we still sit. Daddy is somewhat stable at this moment and he will be undergoing heart surgery on Monday…..I will update on all of that at a later time.
For those that know me well, you know I speak three languages very fluently…1. English 2. Redneck country slang 3. Sarcasm……and if truth be known, I probably speak #3 the most fluent of all. I do practice prolific daily restraint to control my mastered ability in the area of sarcasm because you know…Testimony! But, just like I have said 100 times before, I am transparent and honest with my writing and I will not change my ways now, so……
I’ve decided that if something were to happen to me and I suddenly vanished in some catastrophic event or I died in some unfortunate accident, there would probably only be about 23 people that would dare to be concerned or show any form of regret or condolence for the situation…. Fluent Sarcasm Alert…..It has occurred to me during this current season I am in that if you are no longer beneficial to someone’s life, they do not need you. I have also learned that people who say they are a “friend” have indeed turned out to be only acquaintances. And one of the hardest pills to swallow has been the fact that, well….CHURCH PEOPLE….Lawdy, I have held some of these people closer to me than family and in the midst of this circumstance, I’ve heard nothing from them, nothing! What an eye opening reality to discover the true color of people! Yes, ye defenders of the obvious, I do realize that I am three states away and people can’t just “visit” after work but there is this little or big thing called a PHONE and if I had to guess, yours is attached to your fingers at this very minute! A text or a quick call just to say hey and I’m praying for you goes further than any tank of gas will ever take you! Reality is that we are selfish…We can’t see past our own reflection in the mirror and realize that life is NOT about us! I have written before and encouraged people to see that life is short…If you love somebody, tell them. If you don’t, don’t lead them to believe you do. Don’t be a part of someone’s life just so you can gain something. If you can’t give more than you take, then don’t give anything at all. I have definitely learned that in life you will be lied to and used and betrayed but at the end of the day it is a choice of how you react to it. Some things will be worth tears and some will not. You decide!
I’ve learned through circumstances and trials that I don’t need anybody. I want people in my life. I want friends and family to be there for me and to have support and love especially in times such as this, but I don’t need it. The only thing I need is Jesus. He is the only constant, never failing, never disappointing friend that I need. And, Jesus has sat right beside my stank, greasy head, smelly clothes, sarcastic mouth, low tolerance cause I’m tired, hot flashing, sweating, freezing the next minute, coffee high, sleep deprived, disheveled hot mess self for the last nine days and He aint fixing to leave me! He hasn’t texted me, but He’s wrapped His arms around me and held me in the darkest hour. He hasn’t drove down to the hospital to visit, because He was already here, waiting on me before I arrived. He is my ever present help in this time of trouble, my strong tower and refuge and He will continue to see me through.
Before you jump to ‘assuming’ conclusions, please know that I have no hard feelings or bitterness towards anyone. I’m just sharing what happens to be foremost on my heart at this minute. I actually find much humor in the behavior of others…and love the story that all of my journey is forming. Just be warned, some folks will end up in my book one day!!!