Everything Changed

Extreme slacker reporting for duty!  I mean, you know… I could go into a three page dissertation of why it has been a ridiculously unacceptable amount of time since my fingers have touched this keyboard, but I will spare you the “ugly cry” details and just move along….you are very welcome! However, I will add astute blogging to my list of beguiling January 1 vows like not getting distracted at Target, loving the sound of my alarm clock and complimenting people who wear socks with sandals.

I have thought about a gazillion hilarious things to write about, but I just keep finding myself floating back to something that has been weighing heavy on my mind lately.

Everything Changed|With Grit & Grace|http://sashacarrollonline.comWhen I was a little girl, I would always daydream that my baby doll was a real, live, cooing baby. I would so intently feed her with one of those bottles that had the disappearing milk or orange “stuff” in them and then I would burp her and change her and love her just like her precious plastic life depended on me. I always knew that one day I would be a mommy for real.

I vividly remember the day that I found out I was pregnant with my first baby.  I cried, I giggled, I called my Mama, and I cried some more.  Then a short time later, I started puking and peeing every nine seconds and eating like it was my last meal and puking again and watching my belly start to grow.  I was simply amazed at the fact that there was a human life forming inside of my body! The nine months came and went before I knew it and I suddenly found myself in the most horrific pain humanly imaginable. I vowed and declared on that Thursday morning in April of 2001 that if I lived through this birth (I had no drugs, nothing, nada, zilch, zero) that I would NEVER do it again. Well, he was born and I survived and holding him in my arms for the first time made me forget the pain I had just endured.  I was a mommy and that precious baby changed my life, as I had known it, that day. Everything changed. EVERYTHING! I no longer slept through the night. I no longer thought about myself first. I no longer breezed through each day without wandering what he would grow up to become. I no longer assumed how much my mama loved me, I now knew without a doubt. I no longer feared dying because I would lay down my life without a second thought for him. I no longer thought my worldly achievements were my greatest accomplishment.  This baby changed everything.

I obviously forgot that vow and the incomprehensible pain of childbirth, because 4 ½ years later it all became clearly apparent when the first contraction from my second child hit. Again, I survived and she was perfect and life as I knew it changed again. I learned that there is no such thing as loving one child more than the other. I learned that both kiddos need me in the same way and in different ways. I learned that my presence was important to both of them. I learned that quality personal time with each one was important. I learned the value and significance of priorities. This baby changed everything.

My Facebook has been inundated recently with pictures of friends having new babies and announcements of growing families through birth and/or adoption. Then I scroll down a little farther and see where a child has gained their heavenly wings, a father who has passed away, a friend whose life on Earth has ended, and a mother suffering through the pain of a 39 week stillborn baby. I pick up my phone to a text message of a family member enduring the grief of a miscarriage. Once again, a baby (no matter the age) has changed everything.

My kiddos are 13 and 9 now but they will always be my babies. They were given to me as a gift and it is my responsibility to care for them and to love them and protect them. No matter how hard I work to do these things, there will be times when they are going to hurt and suffer and I can’t do anything about it. These are the heartbreaking times of being a mother.

My mind has been in overdrive thinking and pondering over all of this and it has made me realize more than ever how a baby miraculously changed everything one dark night in a dirty stable. A precious baby boy gifted to Mary. She endured the pain of childbirth, basked in the joy of his birth, stood helpless and heartbroken when she could not protect him from his suffering and she wept in agony when her baby boy drew his last breath.  This baby changed everything!

This baby’s birth brought joy to the world, hope for all mankind, and provided a Savior. This baby’s death provided forgiveness for our sins through His righteousness and the promise of eternal life to all who believe. This baby changed everything!

This baby is our ever present help, our firm foundation, the way, the truth, the answer, our light in darkness, the peace speaker, the tear collector, the burden bearer, the heart mender, our constant friend, our comforter, our protector and our provider.

His name is Jesus…..Let him change everything for you!



Sasha <><

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